The Clash of the Tights

Posted: April 5, 2011 in Film
Tags: , , ,

I love superhero movies because they are yummy meaning they don’t require critical analysis and brain juices to understand. They are plain entertainment through action-packed, loud bang-bangs and boom-booms, spectacular special effects, devious fight choreography and that feel good aftertaste long after the end of the movie.

Their characters always, I mean always, wear TIGHT costumes regardless if their undies are worn above or under it, with cape or no cape. WHY DO COMIC SUPERHEROES WEAR SPANDEX? AND WHATs WITH THE CAPES, ARE THEY NUTS? I’ve been asking this question since I was a kid. I guess that’s probably one of the side-effects of having super powers and perfect figures.

Here’s quick guide of the Tights-movies we should look forward to. I purposely posted some of their concept arts to give you a preview of their tights’ glorious origins.

Thor – already slated to become this year’s first tights-man (or a god in tights?) to hit the silver screen. The trailer looks pretty bad-ass, I can’t wait to see the first live-action adaption of this arrogant god-turned-drunkard superhero. And see that huge hammer of his? That looks pretty wicked. The dude playing Thor is called Chris Hemsworth (who the heck is this guy?), and Dr. Hannibal, a.k.a. Anthony Hopkins will play his father Odin.

The good guy played by Chris Hemsworth with the famous mjolnir (myul-nir). Nice boots dude.

Captain America – a beloved Marvel powerdude is about to come out of his icy confinement to spread some heavy noise is the first Avenger, Captain America. Chris Evans (the guy who portrayed the Human Torch in that forgettable Fantastic Four films ) will wear the superhero’s upgraded stars and stripes costume. And don’t forget the shield!

Captain America's suit is specially modified to look like military-ish. Great job!

The bad-guy, Nazi commander Red Skull to be played by Hugo Weaving. He comes with a nasty sunburn eh?

X-men: First Class – these are the bunch of outcasts that started superhero trend back in 2000, and now a decade later and the X-men franchise is extending the mutant universe. This time they are going retro in the 60’s back when Prof. X is not bald and walking, and Magneto was his BFF. James McAvoy (WANTED, Atonement) will play the young Professor X alongside Michael Fassbender who will play Magneto. The only credible knock-out element for this X-men movie is the involvement of Matthew Vaughn, director of last year’s Kick-Ass.  Coming in theater this June 2011, first week.

I pray every night that this movie wont be so bad as X3 and Wolverine. This better kick some ass.

Green Lantern – Ryan Reynolds will portray the green galactic cop.  I don’t really have any background about this character so no worries, no expectations. I am also feeling alive that Blake Lively is the lead girl. X.O.X.O.

And I constantly have to remind that Reynolds never portrayed that Deadpool guy on Wolverine.

The Amazing Spiderman – coming in 2012 there will be no Tobey McGuire and Sam Raimi team-up for this one. The franchise just got rebooted as if the 3 movies never happened, Sony needs some serious money and they can’t afford Tobey and Sam so their hiring cheap labor from british dude Andrew Garfield (have you seen him on Social Network?) and 500 Days of Summer director Mark Webber. I have a feeling this would be a good one. It is scheduled to be released in 3-D on July 3, 2012.

The Wolverine – Marvel’s most beloved mutant have starred in four films already portrayed by Australian hunk daddy Hugh Jackman (even guys have secret crush on him), with the last being the worst everyone wants to forget it existed. And now he will be back.  Black Swan director Darren Aronofski was set to helm the project until he back out a few days after 8.9 magnitude Japan earthquake. The majority of the storyline will be shoot  at Japan. Now looks like Wolvie is having a problem for redemption.

Hughe Jackman will reprise his Wolverine role for the fifth time.

The Dark Knight Rises – Christopher Nolan will finally end his Batman trilogy with next year’s The Dark Knight Rises, a direct sequel to the Dark Knight. The death of Heath Ledger as the Joker had caused this movie project to halt and probably was sent to the trash, until they came up with a Joker-less script! David Goyer and the Nolan brothers wrote the final script to save the day.  Talented actors Anne Hathaway and Tom Hardy will enter the all-star cast as the Catwoman and Bane, respectively. PlusJoseph Gordon-Levitt playing an unnamed role. I’m crazy cant wait for this movie. Coming in theaters  July 20, 2012.

The Man of Steel – Yes, Superman will have another shot on the big screen. 300 and Watchmen director Zack Snyder will helm the project so we could expect some visually stunning backdrop for the Man of Steel. But with Snyder’s recent flops with Legends of the Guardians and Sucker Punch will he pull-off a good Superman actioner? British actor Henry Cavill will portray the titular role and I don’t know this guy (why do Superheroes turning Brits nowadays). Man why do I have a bad feeling about this?

The Avengers –
this could be the biggest superhero movie project ever to be produced with A-list actors portraying the iconic superheroes. Imagine Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and the Hulk rolled up into in movie.

The Avengers cast Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johanson, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Samuel Jackson, Jeremy Renner and Mark Ruffalo.


Superhero movies have grown so abundant the past decade. Undeniably we are living in the Golden Age of Superheroes. Expect this superheroes battling against each other for box-office supremacy and water our eyes in the process. As long as they are fun to watch people will flock the cinemas and pirated stands.

  1. Never let the erotic (or heroic) qualities of tights be underestimated again.

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