Post #100: Die Another Year

Posted: November 21, 2011 in Journals
Tags: ,

Since it’s my 100th post, a milestone nonetheless, I have a confession to make. I am supposed to be dead by now. But don’t worry I’ll still be alive the moment you read this, maybe. Last year, in a dream I deliberately forged a deal with HIM. It’s a sort of “An old man die, a young girl lives. Fair deal.” (just quoting Bruce Willis from Sin City). For a moment it felt so real and binding that I actually brought that idea up until now. I got obsessed with the beauty of dying, it even granted my wish of starring in the Inquirer. Anyways the girl probably deserves to live more than I do, the way I am wasting mine nowadays. Now the year is almost  over and she’s still alive, thanks God, and me still walking although I am more like a vampire than a human – restless, peerless and night walker. Bad ass.

        But you know what, if it’s for me to decide, I want to die another year. Not this year, and especially not in 2012.

        I’d love to live a normal life in 2012. I want to sleep again at night, have a normal day job and free weekends for recreation. It would be ugly to die in a state I am in, you know not being able to do things I love because I no longer have TIME anymore. I cannot even remember the last time I talked to a friend that doesn’t address me as ‘Sir Lester’. This is probably what it feels like being a bird inside a cage.

        I wanted to experience more of life. The kind of life I always wanted, to live for my dream and not theirs. I am tired pretending to be somebody I am not. But at least I made them proud and happy being that somebody in this great role playing game. The price of all that isn’t really that much, I simply have to endure that feeling of being unfulfilled. So far, so good until the deal came… and I say ‘this is my life!’

         This 2012, perhaps I’ll my best to do stuffs I love doing; writing, drawing, photography and travels.Even finally have the courage to learn the stuffs I always wanted to explore even more like graphic designing, screenplay writing, making graphic novels, painting and most especially discover my own style – my niche, the attribute that give me an identity people will recognize me for. Besides there are lots of exciting stuffS coming next year in, like those great movies (The Dark Knight Rises, Avengers and The Hobbit!).   Tonight I’ll pray that the world will not end next year like in the movies.

         I received this text message yesterday, and it kept me thinking deep: “Do you know why God keeps on extending your life up to this far? It’s not because you need it, but because someone else needs you.”

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Comments
  1. PM says:

    that text message rocks. maybe it’s true. i hope it is true for all of us. sometimes i feel that i lack time to the things that i want to do too pero ganun siguro talaga. balance is difficult. i hope you do get that day job. i cannot imagine working at night. that will really kill me and i’m glad it has not killed you, at least not yet. btw i am super excited to read your dear santa i’ve been good post. i hope you can squeeze it in your week to make it on the cut off over the weekend! 🙂

  2. lapiskamay says:

    Thanks for the message. I have to be thankful i’m still alive and kickin., yun nga lang limited lang talaga pwede kung gawin, which isnt fit for a guy like me. Working at night takes some getting used to, but i dont think of it as a career but rather a stepping stone, or maybe an assylum to think straighter about life.
    Ha! sorry I already have that list filled, I think I’ll post it tomorrow, God willing. Thanks for the reminder!

  3. Jacklyn Belo says:

    naks, 100th blog post! great! i only have 28 blog posts hehe…. hmmm… may advantage naman yung vampire lifestyle like night differential…..may night diff ba kayo ?

  4. Jacklyn Belo says:

    wala! Oh, now I understand hehe.. anyway, you’re still young to make a change, and to take risks..so explore! pwede ko ba to i-wall status, “Do you know why God keeps on extending your life up to this far? It’s not because you need it, but because someone else needs you.”? hehe

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