Posted: July 15, 2014 in Journals


I missed writing and the past few weeks had been spent on catching up on the office stuffs. But, Okay, that’s bullshit. I spent it trying to suppress the rage inside… that monster in all of us hidden and tucked beneath the deepest recesses of our soul.  Somehow IT finds its way out.  It was a hard battle, and I’m not sure I won it. But here I am writing again, writing shit.

There’s no greater shit in living in constant hate and its consequent violent tendency. The kind of hate where you want to hurt someone badly beat ‘em down to the pulp. There were moments when you feel like crushing somebody else’s skull like The Mountain did to the Red Viper. What terrifies me is the thought itself that I’m perfectly capable of that travesty. Somehow it felt right, even though sounds really bad. I guess that’s irony of the psychological battle between The Hulk against Dr. Banner. But I’m no hero, I’m nobody capable of nothing good but screwing up.

Somebody or something injected that serum into my being.  It made so stronger, faster, and almost invincible, so gifted capable of doing the spectacular beyond the norms of expectation set by this imperfect society.  These powers got the better of me. I become bad, my temper  drops suddenly at any moment and worst I’m starting to lose track of my morality. Hulk smash is as legal as The Mountain crush depending on who is at the receiving end. Poor thing, I could have destroyed her. Make her lost of everything she ever had, or whatever is left of her. And all I needed is this very laptop.

It was a serum, a magic formula created to build a better world where peace and security are as constant as the Sun goes up. Like what Neymar Jr. said “A better life, a better world.” Perhaps I was injected by the second prototype design to duplicate the success of Captain America or perhaps it’s the creator’s mad dream of finding a cure to the world’s imperfection. It failed me.

It all started at the sea, by the dock on a submarine that they found me, and perhaps this madness ends tonight as this battle is to be won not by violence but of letting go of the hurt and loses I suffered by simply walking away.  Perhaps they say it in the Arrow’s language… miracle.

Where the f*ck is the antidote?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s