June 23, 2016
To my 21 year-old self,
It’s kind of weird writing to you but hey this is like a scene of Days of Future Past! So where were we six years ago? Ah you just graduated from college and you’re in CPAR Manila for your review! I’m so jealous of you because you’re so full of life, carefree of all the pressures in life and surrounded by friends; the old and the new ones. Please do send my regards to the Power Rangers and to your manyakis roommates at Room 205 in Glodenco Dormitory… I miss those guys! (Isama mo na rin sila Jean, Jen at Ginny..hehe). Don’t worry in my timeline all your friends are doing very well in the profession and we’re still friends!
I read your journal entries during those years and I remembered you really didn’t have much of a summer vacation at all. You stayed in the boarding house right after graduation to devote in studying subjects for the board exams, all summer long. You did not even come home to celebrate you psychotic idiot! That was our summers in college; full of sacrifices, eternal studies and perseverance because you want to become a CPA. Or is it because you want to go to Manila to see her? Hey you just went out with her right? Four years in business school all for that one fateful night with her… was it worth it? Hhmm, universe happened and it’s the last for the two of you and colorful people like cartoon characters will come pouring into your life. (She was hot and gorgeous though, then you fade away)
Well I have news for you, you will fall in love with a movie called “(500) Days of Summer” it should come out in a few months (btw don’t ask Jean, watch it with the boys instead!). But here’s the thing, the next few summers ahead of you will be, well, uneventful. It’s work, work, work. That’s why I’m writing to you that I finally got to experience a decent summer where I got to do the following stuffs:
1. TRAVEL – well, in between our timelines there’s going to be a lot of traveling on the road. I think you haven’t discovered the joy of travelling yet. But it’s in you because you were born to explore: you are young, hungry, brave and an adventurous bastard. I will not tell where I’ve been to all these years because you have to explore and experience it yourself. But I cant contain myself but to indulge you to two of the many places I’ve been to this past summer:
a. Davao City – Hurrah! I finally managed to visit Davao because I attended a convention, as to what sector I cant tell because you’d probably freak out. Just promise me you’ll stay focus and committed in your review and God will do the rest. I finally met Mayor Duterte, he still runs the city and still kickass than ever! The place was beautiful and peaceful. I was able to met up with my colleagues in the profession and we explored the city. First on the list was of course the museums and I was so inspired by the art scene in Davao and the richness of their history. I also meet a lot of people there. And we made sure to see the tourist spots.
How am I suppose to leave Davao with this scene? Hehe. Thats the Sunrise over Samal Island taken at the Waterfront Hotel in Davao this morning. (Maayo pa mo @iamjhanny nakaligo mo sa Samal.. Pero nag.Eden jud me :p ) I had my grand finale 12k morning run with sir Jun Guerrero. Will miss this place. Thanks GACPA and Davao. I shall return.. #davao #travel #summer #waterfront #sunrise #running
b. Dapitan City– Yup, it’s not a joke. I’ve been to that town where our beloved Dr. Jose Rizal spent the last years of his life. I retraced our greatest hero’s footsteps out there; I stood at the very spot when he went to Church, I climbed the ‘lover’s rock’, I saw the replica of his old house and the water system he installed. And would you believe me that I’m planning to visit his old place in Hong Kong? Don’t freak out. And oh boy, I got to visit the Dakak Resort which was really awesome
I dreamt of this. Finally was able to visit Dapitan, a sleepy little town that once housed the greatest mind in Philippine history. Dr. Jose rizal was exciled here over a century ago. The statue was built to commemorate his arrival in town in 1892 where he would live the last four years of his life. For someone who admired his works and his many talents, it's truly a humbling experience to retrace his footsteps. #dapitan #rizal #travel #summer #hero
2. ART – You still have it in you. I know we decided to kill our artistic side because we failed our plan, we flunk the UPCAT where we could have took FA in Cebu as scholars. We were damned and forced to chose the fine art of Accounting because it’s cheap, challenging, and lots of jobs opportunities. But, as they say, old habits die-hard. Through the years it’s been an on and off love affair with the Art side because it’s going to be a frustrating yet exciting journey, without a mentor I was lost, but people kept coming as they unconsciously inspired me to create. It only took one “I love your Art” to start it all, full steam ahead. I’ve taught myself some crafts from sketching, portraiture, painting in watercolors, coffee and recently acrylics on canvass. Im doing well in the Art side, I love it. And most of my stuffs are for my friends, and I never charged a dime because we’re just sharing our blessings the same way they are to us.
And oh, do you remember that cute girl from Davao, Patricia Santos, in the Miss Palarong Pambansa you were crushing on? You really have to keep an eye on her. She’ll eventually become a popular volleybelle and hot like this:
3. RUN – Don’t be shocked but somehow you’ll become a runner in your near future and I’ve been doing it for some time now. I believe people recognizes me more as a runner than anything (i.e. writer, artist, blogger etc). I’m not fast, but I am a strong one and with a big heart to it. Trust me the sport of running is going to explode in Manila while you are burning candles at the review. Soon you’ll be joining races for a cause starting in 5k, then 10k, 15k, to half marathons and yes, you’ll become a marathoner! And you’ll write about them and get to know many people in the running community. This summer though I became an Ultra-marathoner and did a slow half-marathon in Matalom. You’ll realize you’re a stronger person than you thought (and more hardheaded and stubborn than you can imagine). You’ll go to places because you run. It will be a lot of fun. And oh, Bad News: you wont be able to play baseball again nyahaha (evil laugh).
It wasnt the best running performance. I dont take pleasure of the fact that I undertrained and too soon from an injury. I am not proud either, that I finished on one banged up knee. TAGAM! Im just happy that despite all these shit and excuses in the world, I made it through (under cut.off) and won new friends along the way. Salamat idol Sidney for not giving up on me, to the Jotojot couple from Cavite: Aduana Pacer and Violet Runner, it was a pleasure runnig with you both. See you again, mga higala!
4. DATES – Yes, you’ll be dating quite a few girls in the years to come. Be proud isa kang tunay na lalaki! But remember to respect the women you go out with the way you love and cared for your mom and you big sister. At this point in my timeline I have to be honest I am not exactly a lucky guy when it comes to matters of heart and in loving someone. This is one of the main reason I’m writing to you because I think I made a mistake on the way we approach the subject.
After the board exam, whatever the result, you are going to ask God for a good woman to love and to spoil with your great big heart. He heard you and He will sent you someone the next day. What comes next is a great love story I’m sure I’ll be able to write into into a novel someday. But then He will take her away in a manner that will perhaps damage you, beyond repair. You wont look for love and relationship for a long time until you will suddenly meet this really amazing lady suddenly appearing out of nowhere and at wrong time and at the wrong place. You’ll get to know her enough to realize she’s someone too precious and too fragile for me to handle. This year, including this summer, I started dating a few ladies perhaps for all the wrong reasons. I was really hoping that if I go out with other girls I’d be able to take her charms off me and that I’ll find other ‘right wrong person’ to love. It backfired anyway, it felt so bad. The charm got stronger. Now I’m ready to give her up than risk hurting her badly. I have to protect her because she does not deserve a half-baked love from a half-hearted person. Some people simply deserves more.
This Summer I realize the finer details of my life. Yes it was really good one and very refreshing after all those years of hardwork. But somehow, somewhere in between our timelines I lost the capacity to fully love another person. I’m sorry and I don’t take pride on it. It’s either I got too selfish, too contented being alone and too in love with myself; or I learned to protect myself from another heartbreak. Or both. Let’s just accept the fact that this time our awesomeness have failed and your twenty-seven year-old self is simply Not Worth of something.
Perhaps you’ll ask me why am I saying this things to you? What’s the point since you’ll have to live every moment of it anyway? To tell you the truth, I don’t know either. I lost so much this past year my friend, even the drive to write. So please believe every word I say in this letter because they will eventually happen, the good ones and the nasty ones. I love you my dear younger self because you’re a good man with strong conviction with God (things I’m not sure applies to me nowadays),and I want you to know that I’m very proud of what you’ve achieved and the many great things you’ll accomplish in the future. I only wish to spare you from all the major heartbreaks and depressions that will come along. I can only Hope that should this letter finds you, you’ll be able to correct my mistakes and change the course of my timeline. This is how the X-men: Days of Future Past works in the movie adaptation. There’s no fvckg time machine in it (not even Cable) so I have to send this part of my consciousness and the secrets it holds. Learn from them, OK?
Whatever the outcome, you have to live and be of good courage!
Your twenty-seven year-old self,
(now that’s a really weird pseudo-name, isn’t it?)